Doubt.

    I was deep in thoughts after i read my cousin's blog. I was extremely envious with her joyful and colorful life. She didn't go to uni and she lead her life just fine. And i was thinking, is there really any need to further my study to uni? Will having a cert bring me a happy life in the future? I know that nothing's certain in life, but is uni really necessary? Now, i'm filled with HESITATION.
    What is MY purpose of going to uni? To compete with others or just to fulfills my ego? My cousin and her siblings seem to just do whatever they want with their life. Busy with works, hobbies, perfecting skills and filled their life with satisfaction. Life is surely short, and my 20 years have passed by without achieving much. Should i just waste my time like this? I really don't know.
    Someone kept telling me that educator is the most stable job. But tell you what, even if i don't know what to do with my life, i will not become a fucking teacher, facing a bunch of fucking students, every fucking day!
    I understand deeply that life is not easy. But i have never wished for a glorious life or even luxurious life style. Although i led a carefree life and never worked 100% for anything so far, i'm not that naive to see the society as an adult playground. Without my parents, i know life will be harsh out there.
    I seldom have any desire for anything, except for manga and my pc and food. I'm lucky that i've been born into this family. I never had any MAJOR ups & downs in my 20 years of life. So what should i do next? Work or study? That! is a question that's bounding me and my life. This will be the biggest question ever, that i certainly need to decide and answer.

OMGness Life is just cruel. 
I'm so goddamn depressed right now.